Vulnerability- 'willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known; willingness to risk being hurt or attacked'
Being vulnerable is, more often than not, one of the most terrifying things you can do. To open yourself up completely- whether to one person or a group- means bearing all and accepting whatever response comes your way. But, I have found, being vulnerable can actually be an incredibly powerful thing.
But why are we so afraid of being vulnerable in our interpersonal relationships? Why is it so scary to tell someone your deepest fears, your secret weaknesses, or of major emotional events that have happened in your life? I think a lot of people (trust me, I asked) are afraid of this simply as a mechanism of evolution; if you're not vulnerable, you're not opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt. If you're not vulnerable, you're not giving a tiny part of yourself away every time you tell someone something you're scared of, and you get to keep yourself whole. I once again took to my wonderful Twitter followers- nothing against those of you from Instagram, I just interact a whole lot more with people on Twitter- to get a more well-rounded view of things and, well, the results speak for themselves.
Quite simply, I wanted to know if people were scared of being vulnerable. The answers, unsurprisingly, skewed my poll to sit at a solid 79% yes. 79% of the people who saw the poll, thought for a moment and clicked their answer are afraid of being vulnerable with others. Even though I understand completely, it makes me sad to think that there are quite so many people that don't want to open up to others or can't open up to others for whatever reason they have.
The most shocking, upsetting, or heart-breaking (any of these words could work but none of them really explain quite what I mean) part of this? A majority of the people that follow me on Twitter are younger than 21. So, a majority of people that responded to this poll will be under the age of 21. And all these people, all these young, should-be-hopeful-and-optimistic people, are afraid of being vulnerable. Even typing that out, after acknowledging the results and planning (if you can count messaging a friend with ideas as planning) this post, it still makes me disheartened to read. It says an abundance of things, I think, about how this generation of people deals with things. Gone are the times where love letters bearing a person's entire soul were written, where poetry was a means of expressing your deepest, most intimate thoughts, and where girls would swoon at the mere sight of a man. We've been ushered into a time where being vulnerable is so terrifying because we don't trust that we won't be ridiculed or hurt simply for admitting to feeling things, having weaknesses, or being open about our faults.
This, then, leads me quite nicely into my second poll. Why are all these people so scared of being vulnerable? Coming up with the choices for this one was relatively easy; I assumed most people would slot nicely into one (or all) of three choices. I was close to being right, too.
Ringing in at nearly half the votes, the fear of getting hurt. No surprise to me at all given the fact that one of my personal blocks with being vulnerable is that I am always so afraid that it's going to result in me being hurt, just because it has in the past. When it comes to the idea of being uncomfortable being vulnerable and bearing all, it's entirely relatable- it can be awkward as hell to open up to people sometimes because, more often than not, we think we're going to sound silly. I think it's almost universal that talking to someone- whether they're a close friend, relative or even therapist- about things that have happened to you or the way you feel is incomprehensibly different, in the most unexplainable way. Again, I've struggled with this on far too many occasions. Even down to the concept of how to be vulnerable (although I have been lucky enough to grow up in a home where releasing emotions was encouraged and supported) I do understand that for many people they don't know how to express such things, mainly because they've never had a chance to.
I'd never really struggled with being vulnerable because I am, in nature, incredibly empathetic and one of the biggest oversharers I know. It was only in the latter part of 2020 that I began to struggle, mainly as a result of circumstances I found myself under. I've spent the past six months working on myself, writing this blog, and trying to become the version of myself that isn't afraid to be entirely, truly me.
The thing is (and I would put money on this because I really believe it to be true) being vulnerable is one of the most powerful things we, as people, can do. Not just for ourselves, but for other people too. One example? Writing this blog. Bearing every part of myself, no matter how sad or dark or nasty, on the internet for other people to read. Even I didn't think at first it would mean anything, but after receiving messages from people saying how reading my experience helped them, asking for advice from me because it seems like something I could be of aid with, and even just telling me they were proud of me, I slowly started to realise how powerful it was. The fact that there are people that have read this- or are even reading this right now- that have been affected by my own vulnerability; does that not show just how much power we hold, just by allowing ourselves to be truly seen, even a minuscule amount?
If I move away from the macro view and focus on just my own personal relationships, I've realised that those in which I am entirely vulnerable- and the other person is too- are the most beautiful things. When you and one, two, three (the numbers go on) other people can be truly open with each other, it forms an other-worldly connection. When you can openly tell your friends what goes on in your head, without fear of judgment, the result is a friendship that helps you bloom into the most authentic version of yourself. Recently, I found myself wanting to reach out to someone I hadn't spoken to for a month or so (if you're reading this, hello). We'd stopped talking to each other as a result of circumstances that weren't the best on my part, but reaching out felt so easy because we had both been so vulnerable with each other in the initial friendship. I was met with such an easy response because they could understand where my head had been based on what they knew about me. Vulnerability is power.
As powerful as it is, it doesn't make it any easier to be truly vulnerable. As I said, I have struggled over the past few months because of circumstances I had very little control over, and I have had to learn to open myself up to people again. But how do you allow yourself to trust like that?
The truth is, I don't have an answer. I'm not sure anyone does. It relies on you putting complete and utter faith in people that they won't break your trust, that your vulnerability won't go on to be a weapon for them to use against you. I have to consistently remind myself that not everyone is the person that hurt me. I've had to stop approaching situations with the thought in my head that the same thing is going to happen to me that has before because I end up self-sabotaging what could be truly beautiful relationships. It's a process, and it takes time, but I've been making paramount progress as of recent. I once again have to come back to that sentiment- learning to love yourself, trust, and healing are non-linear things. You won't just wake up one day suddenly able to trust everyone. You won't just wake up one day and feel like sharing your entire soul with another person. But, with time, you can slowly open yourself up more and more. The right people make this entirely possible. I hope people know that; there are good people out there. People that will make you laugh and smile and feel like anything is possible. People that will make you want to open your heart up to them just because they're good. I aim, every day, to be one of those people for my friends.
I've had a lot going on in my head recently. Between Uni work, life stresses, and various other things, I've not had much time to stop and think. In the moments I have, the concept for this post came to mind; I have found it far easier to be vulnerable on this blog as of recent than I have to open up to my friends (nothing against them, and they know that, but everyone is ultra-busy at the minute) and this helped me realise just how powerful being vulnerable really is. I know this blog has helped a fair few people and even though this one might not be the most helpful, I do hope at least it is semi-eye-opening. I'm certainly feeling more hopeful this March than I was last year, so if anyone that has read this far ever needs someone to talk to (about literally anything) I am only a message away. I wish everyone a peaceful and positive week, be kind to yourselves <3